Apart from the deafening noise from the blacksmith school, it was a quiet morning in Keki-Keki. A man came walking towards the city gates. Apostrof was his name. He was named after his mother, his mother’s cousin, and their poor uncle Frank.
There was something about the air in Keki-Keki that made certain words sound differently. It started after the “these fumes are nothing to be concerned about”-incident at the blacksmith school.
Most people found it very frustrating, but the kids had a great time, as “please” sounded like “you bastard.”
The newly founded Academy of Sorting the Sounding had issued the following statement:
“Albany” sounds like “Priesthood”
“Dog” sounds like “Stanley MacFranklin”
“Ferry captain” sounds like “Epic proportions”
“Nap” sounds like “Bring your pastries elsewhere”
“Please” sounds like “You bastard”
“Priesthood” sounds like “Nap”
“Rebellion” sounds like “Ferry captain”
“Together” sounds like “Dog”
“Yum-factory” sounds like “Albany”
Be patient, [do-not-read-aloud] please. All words will be sorted out eventually.
“Hello there,” Apostrof said to the guard at the city gates, “my name is Hiteboon, and I’m here for a reason.”
“Step over here, you bastard,” said the guard politely while scrutinizing Hiteboon. He had a strangely familiar expression on his face.
Earlier that year, after a disturbing semi-sexual experience with his bodyguard Fearsalad, Hiteboon wrote a letter to Father Igno. He wrote about how he realized that the familiarity of Fearsalad’s expression wasn’t that strange, seeing as guard personnel are obliged to maintain a familiar expression on their faces at all times, and while writing this he realized that the familiarity of the expression wasn’t that strange. It also struck him how his sister Hitebeen, the reputable poet, once gave a beautiful portrayal of a limping duck, using only the word “cylindrical”. And that was the day he heard about the painting called “A dog and the familiar expression on the face of a guard: a painting.”
But this day, facing the gates of Keki-Keki, Hiteboon didn’t realize anything of the sort. He was obsessed with the fact that he had a mission, and that he was unable to figure out what it was.
The guard was eager to discuss the demise of the Gatorwenn-sisters, how the correct spelling of “Tigre” could potentially lead to serious misunderstandings, and how the feeling of tuba can never reach its full potential. Hiteboon was not interested in these matters, but he went along.
These were the circumstances behind Hiteboon being allowed to walk freely in Keki-Keki. He roamed the streets for several years, but the inhabitants never quite knew where to place him or how to relate to him.
“I do believe I’m here,” he thought, “but there is no Hiteboon in Keki-Keki.”
He was correct. There is no Hiteboon in Keki-Keki. There never was, and never will be.
Mission accomplished.
